Recently I have been struggling so hard with my health and how I have been feeling about myself. Part of the reason I knew something was internally wrong with my body, was that I had gained 20 pounds within a year which for me, was soooooo different. I have been a steady 120 for 4 years and never really changed off of that. Not much changed in my diet as well as my activity level but boom then I was 20 pounds heavier and didn’t understand it. My pants that I’ve had for years stopped fitting, I started getting a size bigger on all my shirts. I just noticed I looked different.
Well June rolls around and I thought after my brain surgery I would lose all this weight I had gained. Nope. Still there. As well as I had never struggled with acne as a teenager but after my surgery I started noticing more bumps on my skin, more zits, just more everything. And the face wash I had been using for 4 years as well (which is already made for sensitive skin) broke me out even worse.
Well since my brain surgery was done right where all of your hormones are being made/stored/sent/etc (pituitary gland), that I would have problems when there was no more blockage to this area. I brought up my weight, skin issues, hair loss to my doctor when I saw her a couple weeks ago and she had told me that basically I am going to re-go through puberty in the sense of my skin and weight fluctuation. But this would all heal/change with time. It’s been such a hard thing to accept. Having to buy new clothes because the ones you have don’t fit anymore. To not feel like you are in your own body anymore. To not feel confident like you once did.
Well I have decided I’m changing that. I will be working on myself more. I will be eating better. I will be exercising more. I will be bettering myself because I deserve that. My body deserves that. Even though I couldn’t control what happened to my body and what is happening now, I can take steps to help make my body healthy.
Some scriptures that has been helping me get through this self-confidence issue are:
Obviously all of these are taken out of the context of the stories from which they were taken from but to me I needed them for just what they are. God made me perfect. Whether I was 120 pounds or if I was where I am now in weight. God does not look at my acne and say “Caitlyn, you are worth less because of this”. No if anything he says “my child you are worth MORE than this”. He looks at my heart. My soul. I am worthy because of my character, my personality, my heart for him. The world is what looks at the body & the skin, not God.
That being said, that does not make it easier to not pick apart ourselves for those little things. To wish we could change parts of ourselves. God knows that we were going to be judged, mocked, made fun of because of different parts of ourselves. That’s why we are to be strong. Focus on our hearts and what’s on the inside.
So while I try to get physically healthy and take better care of the body God gave me, I will be loving my body whether I lose weight in this process or not. I will love my face whether there is still bumps, spots or acne. I will love what God gave me and love that I am HEALTHY. And I hope if you are battling self-confidence/esteem issues that you look deeper than what you see in the mirror. You are BEAUTIFUL. Beauty cannot be defined, cannot be compared. Who is there to compare to?! We are all so different and unique. You are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made.
I love you all and I hope you have a wonderful week. I will be trying to keep track of my fitness/health journey and will keep you all informed on this ride I’m on!❤️
P.S. Below are some amazing quotes that I love to help uplift my spirits when I am down or beating myself up. Save them if they speak to you and when you are feeling down, just come back and look at them and remember that YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE ENOUGH.❤️