In about 4 short days I will have to face one of my biggest fears in life. Flying. I absolutely hate airplanes. Actually thanks to planes, I came to the realization that I had severe anxiety. When I was about 14, we had this airport near where I lived and I would always hear planes going over my head. (Just a quick little side note, I know that the sound comes later with planes, and that they are very loud even when far away.) But when I would be right about to fall asleep I heard a plane and it was SOOOO loud. And I had never heard a plane be that loud before so I automatically assumed it was falling or about to crash into my house and kill me. (I legit thought this and it was so real to me). I had never even been on a plane before in my life and already had an extreme phobia to them.
I had actually just graduated high school when I went on my first plane ride. And it was to the happiest place on earth, Disneyland. So the one thing getting me through going on a plane, was the fact I was going to California again, (First time I went we drove) and I would get to go on all the rides.
I’m ADD, so let’s go on a rabbit trail. I LOVE roller-coasters. So I rode the California Screaming like 6 times in a row, and the only reason I didn’t keep going was because my family wanted to go do other things. Actually the day before I even went on this ride, I watched the ride breakdown and watched people have to walk down from the tallest part of the roller-coaster.
I still went on the ride. And I get asked over and over again by my close friends, “Why do you love roller-coasters so much but hate planes?” Honestly I have no idea why. I feel like roller-coasters are just a fun escape from the world. I kind of go into a different place. My boyfriend and I went to Silverwood together and he hates roller-coasters and was screaming and being like “OH MY GOSH.” And I find so much joy in that and found it the funniest thing in the world. And I never have really heard about roller-coasters going off the rails or anything except at fairs and stuff. But at places where roller-coasters are very popular and the park is pretty expensive, I am kind of better with those. But with planes, I just have a very real fear of the plane crashing or something wrong happening. Sorry for that random trail that probably was not needed.
But any who, back to planes, so to get to California, most places in the northwest take you to Salt Lake City, and then to Anaheim. So two planes, and about 4 hours. Not that bad for most people. But for me, it was a nightmare. I had to make sure I had anxiety medications to help make it through. And anxiety meds didn’t even take the edge off. Something that made it even worse was the fact that my doctor had half her family die in a plane crash, and I learned about when I first got my anxiety medications. The only thing that got me through that plane ride was Jesus, Shawn Mendes in my ears and my sister’s hand. I will be honest with you, the way to Disneyland was not that bad at all. But the way back was sooooo bad. We had no turbulence on the way up. But on the way back home, my goodness it sucked. I seriously thought I was going to die and I did not know how to handle myself. I prayed the whole way back home.
So I will be going on another plane in a short 4 days and will actually be flying for longer, and going into thunderstorms….woohoo. So please pray for me, haha….but seriously. I am very anxious for this but I know that the reason I am actually flying for is worth it. Also I now have my boyfriend’s hand to squeeze. Sorry ahead of time Christopher.
Fun little knowledge about my anxiety. My anxiety causes me to find an escape plan to every situation I am in, just in case something bad was to happen. So if I was in a grocery store, I would look for all the exits as I am walking, I will look at all my surroundings and see if there are any people who give me a vibe, (vibe as in I don’t feel safe around them or they are weirding me out). And it is not offensive in any manner! It is just how I am personally. I like to think most people are good, but I always have to make my observations. But I will normally come up with a plan on how to get out if someone was to come in shooting or something. (Weird I know.) And I go through so many other scenarios in my head. And it is like that with anything I do. Literally ANYTHING. But yeah, there is some more info on my anxiety.
Well while I am on the plane this Friday, I will be writing some blog posts! So keep your eyes peeled for those! Have an amazing week and know that even if you are scared for things, God is always with you. And His plan is bigger and better than anything we could ever imagine. And anxiety, can’t even touch the power of God.
Love you all!!